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Post by jlcgurl on Oct 30, 2010 0:08:34 GMT -5
I sighed and stood up. I walked over to him. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. I felt a small part of me light up inside as I kissed him. I remembered back to the first time I kissed him on the cheek. I twirled on my toes and pecked him on the cheek. Before he had anytime to react or ask any questions I said, "That was my seal of secrecy. I can trust Dawn, Sorina, and Alex, because they are my best friends. I have only known you for a short while and am not sure how capable you are with keeping a secret. Therefor, if you choose to tell anyone it's your life 'kay." That memory was all too vivid like most of mine. I had to remember it in perfect detail. I wouldn't be surprised if I had a photographic memory. I wondered what he was thinking. I wanted to know if he thought about that day too. I wanted so many things that I knew would never find out. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I moved back and continued to sob.
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Post by Luna on Oct 30, 2010 7:57:23 GMT -5
I sighed softly and pulled her close, gently wrapping my arms around her back. "It's okay, Princess. If you want to leave, that's probably the smartest thing to do. You know I'll be fine on my own... I was on my own my entire life until I came here."
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Post by jlcgurl on Oct 30, 2010 13:16:08 GMT -5
That thought made even more tears fall. I loved his arms around me though. Again, no reaction. He never will show his feelings towards me kissing him at all. He will never know how much damage he has done to me and how much he's hurting me now. He'll never understand. I pulled away from him quickly, tears still falling. I turned away starting to walk off. I couldn't bare to stand here any longer. I wanted to just leave...
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Post by Luna on Oct 30, 2010 13:22:09 GMT -5
"Crystal..." I caught her arm gently and turned her around to face me, then tipped her chin up to look me in the eyes. "You know I love you," I said softly. "Even if you leave, I do. If you ever need me, just contact me, okay? I'm sure you can find a way to."
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Post by jlcgurl on Oct 30, 2010 15:06:26 GMT -5
"Tell me what you think about me... When I kiss you what do you feel? I want to understand you... I want to read your mind... I have always been able to tell someone just by looking into their eyes, but I've never been able read yours they are way too dark and unreadable. Please tell me..." I said softly, looking into the magnificently beautiful, but of course dark and unreadable blue eyes. I loved him so deeply. I wanted to know what he thought about me and what he thought and felt when I kissed him...
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Post by Luna on Oct 30, 2010 15:38:37 GMT -5
I sighed softly and pulled her close against me. I held her gently for a long time in silence, considering my answer, before I finally spoke. "I don't think... I can't really answer that right now, Princess," I said honestly. "After just losing my soulmate in the most agonizing way possible, it... I have a lot of grief and a lot of confusion right now. If I do love you in some way other than as a little sister, I wouldn't be able to tell right now - and even I did know that for sure, it would feel too much like I was betraying her." I tipped her chin up lightly. "You understand, Princess?" I asked her softly.
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Post by jlcgurl on Oct 30, 2010 16:05:09 GMT -5
"Yes I do. I know what you mean... I just hate my totally confusing heart. I can't understand why I feel this way. If Thomas is my soul mate he should be the one my love directly goes to, but why do I have these urges. Why must God test me like this? I hate my life..." I said softly, hoping he wasn't listening...
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Post by Luna on Oct 30, 2010 16:07:44 GMT -5
I laughed dryly. "All our lives suck, Princess. Mine does, though I don't care about most of what happens to me... Sunny's did, though she handled it well... yours more than most though, it seems."
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Post by jlcgurl on Oct 30, 2010 17:23:08 GMT -5
"I shouldn't but in my mind I always felt that nothing would ever get better. It has for the most part but yet I know I will never recover from the pain I have gone through. I know my life sucks, more than usual for a typical Amenian, but still I hate that I can't feel better from it all. I want to be able to forget it all. Let me rephrase that. I want to be able to stand all of this and be able to live in peace at least for a little while. That's why I need to go, and I hate doing this, but I have no other choice. Especially if I want my children to live a way better life than I had..." I said softly. I knew he completely understood too. He loved me deeply. Only a love as if for a sister, and in a way I couldn't help thinking that maybe I did only love him as a brother. I know deeply I did want to believe that. I was not completely sure though.
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Post by Luna on Oct 30, 2010 17:35:14 GMT -5
"Well, if you are expecting to have a better life, then leaving this place is your best bet," I said softly. I held her chin gently, keeping her gaze locked on mine. "I want you to be safe, Crystal. I'd rather you'd be gone from this city than gone from this world." The words like Sorina lingered unspoken at the end. I couldn't bring myself to say them.
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Post by jlcgurl on Oct 30, 2010 21:34:23 GMT -5
I hugged him close and sobbed continually. I couldn't handle all of this. I knew when I went home I'd have to deal with probably explaining it all to Thomas. I just wanted to get it all over with, and I was starting to get tired. "I should probably get going... Before Thomas starts to worry... This time I mean it though. I'm not going to try to get myself killed this time." I said pulling away slowly.
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Post by Luna on Oct 30, 2010 21:42:44 GMT -5
I nodded and wrapped my arms around her softly. After a moment, on pure impulse I pressed my lips against her forehead. I gave her one last odd expression halfway between a characteristic smirk and a sad smile, then stepped away, my face growing serious again. "Good luck, Princess," I said softly, then I stepped out the door and vanished just as quickly as I always came.
I sighed and leaned against the side of a building, folding my arms over my chest. It was a typical pose for me, but my mind was hundreds of miles away. From the first time I had talked to Sunny on that chilly Autumn night, I'd been irrevocably involved with every aspect of her life. Except maybe for what had transpired in her childhood, every bad thing that had ever happened to her had been directly connected to me. Right up to her death. I knew that was my fault - even if Lacey was the one who held the knife, even if it was Sunny's own decision in the end - I might as well have killed her myself. I was going to Hell for the things that, intentional or not, I had done to her. Unless, of course, I was already there. There was an intriguing thought. All of the worst things I had done, all the innocent people I'd tortured and killed - it had all occurred before I came here. We had always compared Amenia to Hell - it was the most accurate comparison we could think of. But suppose it really, truly was? Maybe we were all being punished for the things we had done before. I had never really loved anyone until I came here; then I wound up with Crystal, who I did nothing but hurt more than she ever needed, and Sunny... who died in my arms. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that I was right. It just made sense. Of course, I didn't believe Sunny or Crystal were people capable of being condemned to Hell... but they could always be illusions, designed especially to bring more suffering. The idea of Hell was eternal suffering, wasn't it? It would explain why my soulmate died in my arms, and yet I defied the principle entirely by standing here now. So I'd officially died and been sent to Hell. I truly didn't doubt it, not in the slightest way. I couldn't imagine worse, anyway.
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